Wednesday, April 26, 2006
More Music and Memories
I've got my iPAQ loaded up with 1 give of songs from my cd collection. As I wander about listening to my music, I find that so many songs coincide with my memories of boys from my past. I'm the memory bank for most of the people in my life and I tend to be fairly nostalgic. Now, I find myself wondering if guys are this way. I'm thinking they're not.
I've been remembering C a lot, which I haven't done in ages. Between all those all cards, letters and mementos in my little treasure chest and the music selections in my pocket pc, he keeps popping back into my consciousness. Mostly, it's the music, I guess. For example, Just Like Heaven by The Cure always makes me think of him. The song opens with the lyrics, "Show me, show me, show me how you do that trick. The one that makes me scream, she said. The one that makes me laugh she said..." When the song came out we both had the same frame of reference for it. He used to make that raspberry noise on my stomach, which I could never do. And, just like when you do it to a baby, I would giggle and wriggle and squeal.
I can not imagine that he would hear that song and have his head fill with cute reveries about an old girlfriend. I certainly wouldn't want to find him and ask. Although, there was this really weird thing that I would be curious about.
We started seeing each other at the beginning of November and everything was fine for a while, but toward the end of the school year some of my friends and sorority sisters started to report having seen him with another girl. That's not the weird part. College guys and guys in general are known to have the ability to be dogs/pigs (pick your unfaithful animal reference and insert here). C was spending time with a girl, that by all reports, looked an awful lot like me. Whoever heard of that?
By the time we left school for summer break he had chosen me (version 1.0) and sent the reproduction packing. Or, so I thought. I wound up being wrong about two parts of that statement.
Actually, she contacted him again and he did see her. He probably would have gotten away with it, if it weren't for my freaky psychic connection to him (I won't get into multiple examples, just suffice it to say that it was crazy). I was minding my own business, two hours south of him at the shore, where I spent my summers living with my grandparents and working, hanging out, when I just knew that he was out with someone else. There was nothing to even put this thought in my head, it just popped up there and I was certain it was right. It nagged at me for a while and then I went to a phone, called him and he confirmed it. I was shocked and freaked out and couldn't deal with an explanation. I just needed to end that conversation, so I did.
A couple of hours later he was at my door with flowers and a bottle of wine. He explained to me that she called him and he agreed to meet her. He also told me that he told her how he felt about me and that he wouldn't see her again. He went because she offered it up as strictly a friendly kind of thing and that was where he left off with her before. I don't think he expected to hear from her and he felt like a creep to blow her off, so he went and made it clear what his feelings were.
So, that's the first way that I was wrong above. Some months later we were looking through a photo album and I saw pictures of the girl who broke his heart and left the shell of a man that I first met. She was the reason he took months to get to the point where he kissed me, because he was so afraid of falling for someone and getting hurt again. The pictures were sort of shocking. She looked just like me. I guess since she came first, I looked like her, but it was obvious that I had much more style. It was kind of strange to discover that, although I considered myself on original, there were multiple other girls who bore a striking resemblance.
I wouldn't be at all interested in finding out what became of him. However, if he wound up marrying some woman who looks like me, I'd be interested in knowing that.